Conspiracy theory on secret Managers club
Though many of you might laugh it off, it is only because you are developers who are only hoping to be managers someday.
Because you have not tried to become a manager yet and dont know what it really is that makes them different from you.
When you are appointed a manager it changes everything about the way you perceive things.I remember my first day as manager when I was invited to the initiation room. With a bunch of others like me who were naive, clueless but had ambitious, sombre looks on our face. And yet others who were not virgins at this. To start off we were served what I thought was wine but was actually blood of
a newly sacrificed fresher. Yes thats just the beginning.Next we were forced to swear a blood oath to make everyone's life a living hell.
Some never survive this trauma ...I have seen good friends of mine crack under this pressure.Yeah picturise the sound when a coconut is hit hard on a stone when you begin a shubh karya.Here coconuts were us.
And yet there are some who begin to enjoy the power and the control. They cross over completely to the other side,and are scouted by the bosses are hungry vultures who circle over dead prey and have their pick.Word is these are invited to enjoy these secret club privileges that one can only imagine. I am talking wolf of wall street special.But it is not easy. One has to sell ones soul for it.Before a jury of judges.With masks.And a contest where one of the rounds judge the competitors for how many employees lives they have scarred forever. And it is said they dont get pleased easy.
There are so many who try feats to get the attention of these judges.One has to be innovative with ways of employee torture and yet there are many who get rejected.
And then there are those softies, who need to be talked through and hand held through this ginormous responsibility.
Softies are put through english classes where they are taught the BS list. This forms an important part of the manager image.
To say words which sound very important but dont mean much or give the employee any clue as to what is expected from him. All a part of creating a sense of
mystery and fear in the employees heart. Also a sense of deniability to secure the manager from any blame.
Then we have daily duels where candidates have to out do each other in innovative ways of firing people.And if we fail we are made to face the firing instead, just the thought of it keeps us motivated.
And some are sent off to learn secret powers of mind control. These are the very elite who have been handpicked for their self assuredness.
If they show potential, they are taught how to make people feel guilty about expecting anything for themselves
from the company.It is said the very best learn to do it with only a single eye contact.
And then there are some who haven't found their calling yet and take it easy. Which can be a dangerous mistake.
THE TALK is most feared exercise.
People who are asked to show up have been made to wait for hours. Left alone to wait in isolation chambers,cracks start to appear in their resolve and in no time they break as they are left to their own imagination in anticipation of what is to come and
they are worn down by the time they eventually make it in.
Then Mr Boss haves them make a deal they would never cross, it is said Mr Boss is the devil himself and knows the powers of mind control and thats how he gets people
to do as he wishes. But we will never know if theres any truth to it. To think of it I have never seen Mr Boss entering or leaving the room, which kind of makes me want to believe these stories.
It is said HE is the all seeing eye, he knows every thought that crossed your mind even before you speak it. Which is why I am practicing on filling my mind with a lot of noise and hope it will be enough to survive my upcoming talk with Mr Boss. Fingers Crossed it works.
Though many of you might laugh it off, it is only because you are developers who are only hoping to be managers someday.
Because you have not tried to become a manager yet and dont know what it really is that makes them different from you.
When you are appointed a manager it changes everything about the way you perceive things.I remember my first day as manager when I was invited to the initiation room. With a bunch of others like me who were naive, clueless but had ambitious, sombre looks on our face. And yet others who were not virgins at this. To start off we were served what I thought was wine but was actually blood of
a newly sacrificed fresher. Yes thats just the beginning.Next we were forced to swear a blood oath to make everyone's life a living hell.
Some never survive this trauma ...I have seen good friends of mine crack under this pressure.Yeah picturise the sound when a coconut is hit hard on a stone when you begin a shubh karya.Here coconuts were us.
And yet there are some who begin to enjoy the power and the control. They cross over completely to the other side,and are scouted by the bosses are hungry vultures who circle over dead prey and have their pick.Word is these are invited to enjoy these secret club privileges that one can only imagine. I am talking wolf of wall street special.But it is not easy. One has to sell ones soul for it.Before a jury of judges.With masks.And a contest where one of the rounds judge the competitors for how many employees lives they have scarred forever. And it is said they dont get pleased easy.
There are so many who try feats to get the attention of these judges.One has to be innovative with ways of employee torture and yet there are many who get rejected.
And then there are those softies, who need to be talked through and hand held through this ginormous responsibility.
Softies are put through english classes where they are taught the BS list. This forms an important part of the manager image.
To say words which sound very important but dont mean much or give the employee any clue as to what is expected from him. All a part of creating a sense of
mystery and fear in the employees heart. Also a sense of deniability to secure the manager from any blame.
Then we have daily duels where candidates have to out do each other in innovative ways of firing people.And if we fail we are made to face the firing instead, just the thought of it keeps us motivated.
And some are sent off to learn secret powers of mind control. These are the very elite who have been handpicked for their self assuredness.
If they show potential, they are taught how to make people feel guilty about expecting anything for themselves
from the company.It is said the very best learn to do it with only a single eye contact.
And then there are some who haven't found their calling yet and take it easy. Which can be a dangerous mistake.
THE TALK is most feared exercise.
People who are asked to show up have been made to wait for hours. Left alone to wait in isolation chambers,cracks start to appear in their resolve and in no time they break as they are left to their own imagination in anticipation of what is to come and
they are worn down by the time they eventually make it in.
Then Mr Boss haves them make a deal they would never cross, it is said Mr Boss is the devil himself and knows the powers of mind control and thats how he gets people
to do as he wishes. But we will never know if theres any truth to it. To think of it I have never seen Mr Boss entering or leaving the room, which kind of makes me want to believe these stories.
It is said HE is the all seeing eye, he knows every thought that crossed your mind even before you speak it. Which is why I am practicing on filling my mind with a lot of noise and hope it will be enough to survive my upcoming talk with Mr Boss. Fingers Crossed it works.
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